The Guild of Mad Bastards

[Screaming Lord Pea Green]

Under section 3, article ii of the Paradox act of 1885, I must insist all fife related questions be accompanied by a fife related insinuation...or a chicken. That is all.

In other news, a rather delightful old chap is rumoured to be visiting later today. Just a shame he wont be visiting here.

[Dr. Ironbeard]

The Doctor downs his pint of whiskey in one shot and calls for another pint, then turns to the gentleman with the musical instrument protruding from the side of his head.

"Sir, if like...I can easily remove that encumbrance - forthwith." As he pulls a large set of iron blacksmith's tongs from his duster's pocket and waves them in the air with one hand whilst lifting his second pint of single malt with the other.  

[Chaos Zum Aufziehen]

My dear friend, please do not remove the fife- if it were to be removed i fear i shall bleed to death.
'Tis a wound from my old job, you see, and not something i wish to go into detail about with this mediocre level of inebriation, however i like what you're drinking *orders a pint of single malt* and frankly your more pressing concerns should be about this:
*unbuttons his waistcoat and shirt to reveal a scar on his chest the exact size and shape of an accordion* Hurry up with that whiskey!

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

My my, where did you get such a scar? playing the accordion with such ferocity that it caught fire and burned an accordion shape scar in your chest?

*orders a gallon of brandy*

[Gendrick]

I'm sure I've wandered in here before, can never be to sure since the university of Ætheric sciences kicked me out and stole some of my memories, I mean really, I was only studying eldritch horrors from another plane of existence, it's not like I was going to let them into this reality. Anyway, can someone give me something to drink? Preferably something flammable, doesn't have to be alcohol!

[Uncle Arthur]

One kerosene on the rocks coming up!

[Gendrick]

One kerosene on the rocks coming up!

Thankyou my good sir! That'll be good to get those gears turning and whatnot

[Professor Phineas Brownsm]

*pulls up the Chesterfield Armchair to the bar* tea and cake please my good barman!!

[Demetrius Rust]

*Steps out of a portal directly above a table, jumps to the floor and staggers to the bar* "Tea and cakes indeed! A  pint of Killian's Red and a wee dram of single malt Scotch to chase it with!" *Hiccups and manages to prop up against a barstool.