The Futile Philanthropy Society.

[Professor Obsidian Blaze]

May I suggest that we do a fund raising event to raise money to fit handbrakes on canoes which belong to the less well off. I thought we could take the next airship to New York and while there raffle a lovely tea cosy which my Maiden Aunt knitted last week. Estimating twenty of us attending and a shilling a ticket we could raise a whole pound.

Blaze

[Dr cornelius quack]

Fine idea Professor.

The only addition I'd make would be that all attendees fill in a 'Gift Aid' form then we would make an extra 25p.
Of course, I must insist that your Auntie be recompensed for the cost of the wool.

[Sir Nikolas of Vendigroth]

I was stopped by a vagrant on the street the other day, asking for money to feed himself and his dog. Since I had no cash on me, I offered him a piece of money-saving advice instead.

I suggested that if he ate his dog, he'd cut his food bills in half and get a few good meals out of it as well.

Some people just don't want to be helped 

[Dr cornelius quack]

Obviously gave the advice to the wrong half of the partnership.

[Clym Angus]

Obviously gave the advice to the wrong half of the partnership.

Good point! Think of the saving on cooking cost.

[engineRmRaphi]

Seems I've been quite remiss in not perusing this thread heretofore.  Such well-meaning suggestions.  They do so encourage a rather delightful and civilized Panglossianism.

May I, too, make a most forthright appeal to your fascinating sense of fairness?

My philanthropic efforts of late have been directed to ameliorating the all too sad situation of the very large who dream of becoming jockeys.  Is it not deeply unfair that fatphobes have been allowed to indulge their prejudice far too long ?  Naysaying should be restricted to horses.

While I do not expect others to be as obsessed with this issue as I, contributions are very welcome. But I am proud to be a spokesman for Big and Tall Substantial Horsemen Inclusive Turf.  Yes, I am indeed BatSHIT crazy!   

         







   

[Dr cornelius quack]

What a laudable cause.
Perhaps we can combine it with our long running campaign to remove the shocking bias that  the organisers  of 'The Grand National' have against Shetland Ponies.

[rovingjack]

I'm funding research to help people differentiate left and right tube socks.

[Arabella Periscope]

Saint Bernard squads to succour the alcoholic homeless!

[Dr cornelius quack]

I'm sorry, but that might lead to confusion.

We're already training St. Bernard Squids for the rescue of submariners.

Not to mention our 'Guide Squids for the Blind Deep Sea Divers' appeal.

[Arabella Periscope]

My Dear Sir,

That is Squads, not Squids . . . I fear the alcoholic homeless will not respond well to your emissaries!

[Dr cornelius quack]

I don't know, they may appreciate a ready supply of ink.

[burnished brass man]

I have been studying and recording the apprent travel velocities and arcs of food so as to make aming device for food flinging

[Dr cornelius quack]

We could support your research if it is made clear that such a machine is to be aimed only at those in need of food.
Then, when it is built, we should get behind it.

[Arabella Periscope]

If it flings pie, we should get in front of it . . .

[Will Howard]

Lessons to teach penguins to play the drums in Heavy Metal bands?

[Professor Obsidian Blaze]

Lessons to teach penguins to play the drums in Heavy Metal bands?

I'm afraid Sir that this would be quite a fruitless endeavor as you seem to have forgotten that penguins are without exception devotees of Trad Jazz.

Blaze

[Will Howard]

OF COURSE!  And THAT is why it fits this category!  FUTILE Philanthropy, remember?

[Arabella Periscope]

I vote we extend the roaring success of our 'Pith Helmets for Wildlife' campaign against damage from the missing ozone layer.  'Parasols for Trees!' shall be our battle cry!

[Professor Obsidian Blaze]

"OF COURSE!  And THAT is why it fits this category!  FUTILE Philanthropy, remember?"

By Gad Sir you are correct! It is all too easy to forget why we dedicate our lives to Futile Philanthropy, I say "Heavy Metal it is" for the little web footed blighters.

Blaze

[Tito Alba]

In the interest of improving man's relations with our four footed, winged, clawed, finned and tentacled brethren I propose a complete review of taxonomic nomenclature pending approval from a spokesman of each species in writing that they are not offended by their names

[Will Howard]

Excellent idea, Mr. Alba!  And TOTALLY futile, to boot!

[Tito Alba]

I thought it might be useful as only the other week I was chased by a bear that growled "who are you calling an ursa!"

I like this thread.  I'm full of poppycock.  Or at least when I'm full of poppies I act like a .... maybe that's for less sfw thread.

I'd also like to suggest a fundraising event to sponsor the Currencyless Collectivist Co-operative Commune.  I've heard they are making some significant steps to solving this economic crisis but were rather poor to boot.

You have to look out for corruption though.  I've heard those at the top are hoarding all the nothing for themselves and not letting anyone else have any.