A game of steampunk problem solving...

[Madasasteamfish]

You fit her with a Tesla coil and a pair of Faraday undergarments.

Now, after an interview (and liberal use of a red-hot poker) it seems that my hard of hearing minion obtained a pair of faulty ears from messrs B&H. Should I make a complaint and send them a bill for the cleaning bear training, or just send my minion (and the kraken that suddenly seems incredibly keen on said minion) to them?

[Peter Brassbeard]

caramelwhistle neglected to mention what happens if the lady's parcel B is left unattended with parcel A or C. 

[ktara]

You fit her with a Tesla coil and a pair of Faraday undergarments.

Now, after an interview (and liberal use of a red-hot poker) it seems that my hard of hearing minion obtained a pair of faulty ears from messrs B&H. Should I make a complaint and send them a bill for the cleaning bear training, or just send my minion (and the kraken that suddenly seems incredibly keen on said minion) to them?

Yes, please send them a bill.  It might distract them from collecting from me.

OOC:  I've got nothing...can't come up with a single problem to solve at the moment...so carry on without me for a bit

[von Corax]

Bears, very hungry bears, usually they like salmon but with a couple electrodes in the right places I'm sure a calamari type taste preference can be implemented.

How would a upper class lady and 3 parcels cross a choppy river in a boat?  The boat can only hold her and 2 parcels without being unstable resulting in a ruined gown and ultimately sinking.

If the lady is a proper Steampunk, she'll be able to construct a catapult to propel herself and her parcels across the river and leave the boat for the next party, unless of course said party needs delaying, in which case she could catapult the parcels and then follow unladen in the boat.

One is pursuing a lady who has absconded with a number of parcels containing valuable and dangerous arcane artifacts, and finds that said lady has escaped across a choppy river and has left the boat on the other bank. How can one retrieve the boat using only the unworking wreckage of a hastily-constructed catapult?

[Peter Brassbeard]

One is pursuing a lady who has absconded with a number of parcels containing valuable and dangerous arcane artifacts, and finds that said lady has escaped across a choppy river and has left the boat on the other bank. How can one retrieve the boat using only the unworking wreckage of a hastily-constructed catapult?

Presuming the ladies parcels haven't reacted while out of her reach...

Disassembling the catapult, you should find the skeins formerly used to drive the catapult are a good rope, which you can tie to a piece of catapult wreckage which you can then throw across the river to catch the boat, using another piece of the catapult as a cannon barrel.  The remains can be burned to heat steam for the cannon.

How do you then patch up the hole in the boat made by the thrown catapult wreckage?

[The Squire]

How do you then patch up the hole in the boat made by the thrown catapult wreckage?

The hole is repaired by searching through the lady's parcels until a suitably large cloth undergarment is found and then use said undergarment to 'fother'* the hole.

Spoiler: ShowHide

Cook described the process:
"The leak now decreaseth but for fear it should break out again we got the Sail ready fill'd for fothering. The manner this is done is thus, we Mix ockam & wool together and chop it up small and than stick it loosly by handfulls all over the sail and throw over it sheeps dung or other filth. Horse dung for this purpose is the best. The sail thus prepared is hauld under the Ships bottom by ropes and if the place of the leak is uncertain it must be hauld from one part of her bottom to another until the place is found where it takes effect; while the sail is under the Ship the ockam & ca. is washed off and part of it carried along with the water into the leak and in part stops up the hole." (Cook, Journals, 1, 12-13 June 1770)

Now that the parcels are retrieved, the hull hole is fothered, and the boat is under sail, how does one negotiate the upcoming whitewater rapids with a damaged rudder that does not answer?

[Sebastian Dante]

One enlists the help of the crew and some long spars from the thrown catapult and uses them to propel the craft across the rapids in the manner of a gondola/canoe. Once the rapids are traversed, you can begin considering methods to repair the rudder. A suggestion would be to replace the rudder with a steam powered propeller, giving both steering capability and additional speed.


How to I whether the storm of quite unladylike abuse stemming from the disagreement of using the previously mentioned ladies undergarments to fother the hole?

[von Corax]

I was searching for some old posts last night and stumbled across this thread, which seems worth reviving.

How to I whether the storm of quite unladylike abuse stemming from the disagreement of using the previously mentioned ladies undergarments to fother the hole?

Fashion replacement undergarments from a spare silk parachute cadged from a passing airship. (The answer is always "airship.")

Where can I find a tailor/seamstress/textile contractor capable of constructing ladies' undergarments from a silk parachute? (They're not for me, I swear!)

[Sorontar]

Why not seek out someone interested in vexillology, for those who maintain flags would be very skilled in making durable fabrics that are well stitched and fit-for-purpose. Being on a vessel, flags are very important to signal many things.

However, stitching by hand may not be ideal, if a large number of these undergarments may be required quickly (since it seems multiple of them were used).

How would you construct a sewing machine on the vessel?

[von Corax]

Why not seek out someone interested in vexillology, for those who maintain flags would be very skilled in making durable fabrics that are well stitched and fit-for-purpose. Being on a vessel, flags are very important to signal many things.

However, stitching by hand may not be ideal, if a large number of these undergarments may be required quickly (since it seems multiple of them were used).

How would you construct a sewing machine on the vessel?

One could attach a needle to the big end of one of the connecting rods in the airship's engines; this would produce not a reciprocating motion but a circular one, feeding the fabric into the needle.

One has accidentally fed one's hand into the reciprocating/circling needle attached to one's airship engine. How does one remove the bloodstains from the silk parachute undergarments one was fashioning at the time?