A game of steampunk problem solving...

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

This won't work unfortunately as the force which always causes toast to land butter side down is more powerful than the force which causes cats to always land on their feet. Attaching buttered toast to your cat will only lead to your cat falling on its back. Therefore there is no need to find a way of preventing your cat from licking the toast.

What should you do to a man wearing a brown belt with a black suit so he remembers never to do it again?

[J. Wilhelm]

Send the impressment gang after him and then tell him that because his belt is brown leather, and normally Steampunks wear braces, then it must be some sort of (flymsy) harness.  Tell him it's the only harness he will wear as he is suspended upside down from the gondola of your zeppelin to wash the windows at 30,000 ft of altitude (USAS Orca is a high altitude vessel).

Marmite is good as both axle grease and a tasty food.  But what do I do if I'm hungry and I only have real axle grease?

[ktara]

Put the axle grease on the right side of your toast...this will also stop the cat from licking the butter, as there is no butter to lick

I also found a man wearing a belt, so I suspended him on the outside of my submersible to wash the windows (I haven't installed either curtains or shutters).  He is complaining of sea serpents trying to lick him.  How shall I advise him to deal with this?

[Hez]

Use the Marmite to waterproof his jacket; even sea monsters have enough taste-buds to avoid the stuff.

When organizing the seating at a formal tea who takes precedence, a cannibal king or a pirate queen?

[josecou]

the cannibal king, as he's already eaten all of your guests.

What can I do in order to get my guests back?

[Prof Samuel.H.F.Foreman]

throw a fantabulous shindig with music and dancing and cake lots of cake (most people will come to a party if there is free tea and cake) may I suggest Battenberg perhaps?




but how can I use a jolly angry woodlouse to take over the world?

[Madasasteamfish]

Use the evil *ahem* morally questionable science of your minions to enlarge it to the size of an aircraft carrier and use it to transport your 'secret' hideout and army of henchpeople.

Now, how do I go about obtaining myself an uninhabited island of indeterminate location to house my own secret lair?

[ktara]

You can borrow my sea serpent to drive everyone off an island already inhabited, then just move in

The Pirate Queen is rather upset about the aforementioned shindig.  How do I console her?

[H.Tuto]

She will cheer up when she notices her napkin is a treasure map to the Crown of Thule!

But how best to traverse the dinosaur infested ruins?

[SpeedyFrenchy]

Airship. Always the airship.

How to find said ruins, which are not marked on any map?

[Madasasteamfish]

With a compass that doesn't point north.

Now, how do I go about domesticating my own sea serpent to protect my newly acquired secret island home.

[walking stick]

Put in a moat.  This will give your Island a sea wall and your Serpent a lair.

How do I display my trophy Snark.

[H.Tuto]

The Snark meat made an excellent centrepiece at that meal! The rest can be stuffed and placed in a sufficiently menacing posture so as to spook unwary intruders.

But then perhaps this poltergeist infestation will do that already? How best to deflect rogue flying silverware?

[Michael Farley]

Employ an untrustworthy manservant with light fingers. Soon there will be no silverware left to worry about.

How does one deal with tediously modern scientific types who insist that neither phlogiston nor aether actually exist?

[akumabito]

Employ an untrustworthy manservant with light fingers. Soon there will be no silverware left to worry about.

How does one deal with tediously modern scientific types who insist that neither phlogiston nor aether actually exist?

Pick up a book or two and study physics. Then use that knowledge to hurtle them there scientists into a volcno.


While tiger hunting in India, your Howdah gives up the ghost at the worst possible moment. How do you repell the attacking tiger?

[walking stick]

When the Howdah falls off the elephants back, jump out of the way and let the agitated elephant trample the attacking tiger.  Now how does one skin a mushy tiger?

[akumabito]

Pretty sure you hang it by the hind legs, cut its throat and let all the mushy stuff run out, lol..

Anyone got a good recipe for tiger stew?

[H.Tuto]

Tiger is pretty good in a vindaloo!

But the elephant also trampled my dining set, what can I fashion in the jungle to eat my delicious delicious Tiger Vindaloo?

[Fat Spider]

Your in India, what do you need knives and forks for, hopefully one of your Sherpa's will be able to provide you with some Chapatis or Naan bread, that's all you need to eat the Vindaloo, you can then breath on any further approaching Tigers to frighten them off.

Now I've discovered my pet Tigger is missing, how can I prevent him from the same fate.
(please note the spelling before replying)

[Fairley B. Strange]

Cover your Tigger with Pooh.     (checked spelling     )

With what calibre of weapon does one hunt Air-krakens?

[Madasasteamfish]

The bloody biggest you can find! 

Now how does one go about disposing of the kraken carcass?

[walking stick]

You use the outer husk to make your own Tentacled Airship.  Cook the inner meat to the classic recipe for Snark and store as emergency canned rations for your airship crew.

Now where do I find suitable gunners to manipulate the tentacles for combat?

[akumabito]

You use the outer husk to make your own Tentacled Airship.  Cook the inner meat to the classic recipe for Snark and store as emergency canned rations for your airship crew.

Now where do I find suitable gunners to manipulate the tentacles for combat?

Try the asylum. Only place where people are crazy enough to sign up for duty aboard your ship!

Your airship has come under attack from pirates. They have punctured the envelope. What can you do to stop the gas from leaking out?

[walking stick]

 Fashion a patch from a piece of tinned Kraken meat, it's wonderfully tough. It has to be an emergency before anyone will eat the stuff.  My chief gunner is suffering from delusions of competency, how do I deal with his rationalisations?

[Mercury Wells]

Force him to herd cats covered in toast, butter & Marmite.

What's the best way to use Marmite as a threat to take over the world?