A game of steampunk problem solving...

[Madasasteamfish]

Unite all the marmite lovers into your army, thus only leaving the haters, who shall bow down before you in thier weirdness.

Now how do I get kraken gut stains off my airship?

[akumabito]

You don't it makes for perfect scent-control when hunting for the buggers..

Admittedly though, the smell is less than welcome in any civilized town. so if you really had to, how do you get the stuff off??

[Adelaide Blake]

Vinegar and baking soda. Cleans everything.

I ran afoul of the local criminals in an uncivilised town, how do I escape the dungeon I'm in?

[Mercury Wells]

You scratch a message to yourself on the cellwall, then wait for yourself to open said door from the outside.

Im trying to house train a baby Air-kraken, it keeps eating the littertray. What am I doing wrong?

[Madasasteamfish]

You're trying to domestic an air kraken (every recorded attempt at doing so has failed with the death of the handler).


Now, how do I find a decent distillery in this damn place?

[H.Tuto]

Head down to the Engine Rooms, every engineer worth his salt will have a micro distillery stowed on board somewhere!

That is of course until his "special stash" tips over in a storm the potent concoction corrodes through two decks! What to do?

[J. Wilhelm]

Do what any master craftsman does: hide his/her mistakes.  Place a giant pane of glass over the hole and call it the new "Observation Deck." Inauguarate to great fanfare.  No one will suspect anything. Either that or if you still have a gondola bottom them install a grand staircase between decks.  It will sure make for a fancy engine room.


After making the hole observation deck, we still don't have a distillery nor absinthe anywhere around.  Anyone else got a solution?

[walking stick]

Either aetheric distillation or waiting until the next batch of sky pirates attack your ship, they always have rum.

Now how do you ask a a passenger who is floating (literally and metaphorically) to come back into the airship. 

P.S. A Mr Holmes recommends injecting a seven percent solution. (After which he claims to be feeling no pain whilst he inflicts puns such as Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.) His Doctor says that in that state you can't get your own name right. 

[Michael Farley]

Don't bother. As soon as they leave your airship they are by definition no longer a passenger and you are therefore perfectly entitled to use them for target practice.

There is a myth that every year at dawn on 9th April (Brunel's birthday), the rising sun will shine through Box Tunnel between Bath and Chippenham. As this is now a high-speed rail line, how can I test the veracity of this theory without facing a similar fate to Wile E. Coyote?

[ktara]

Park your airship above and hang down at the appropriate height to the tunnel in which to see the phenomenon. 

The Pirate Queen is taking me on her treasure hunt.  What type of henchmen would be the most useful?

[Hez]

The type of  henchmen doesn't matter so long as they outnumber hers.

You and the Pirate Queen discover that you have worn identical outfits for treasure hunting.  How do you deal with this faux pas?

[walking stick]

Firstly state your admiration for The Pirate Queen as a leader and say that she looks better in that style than you do. Secondly Offer to join her fleet and suggest this dashing outfit as a uniform.

The city's top couturier has vanished, allegedly kidnapped by air pirates,what is a fashionable person to do?

[akumabito]

Firstly state your admiration for The Pirate Queen as a leader and say that she looks better in that style than you do. Secondly Offer to join her fleet and suggest this dashing outfit as a uniform.

The city's top couturier has vanished, allegedly kidnapped by air pirates,what is a fashionable person to do?

Wear some old junk and call it "retro hipster chique".

You're in a city that has neither electricity, nor access to towngas. How do you light the streets?

[Mercury Wells]

A cow on every street corner (with a long tube up it's bum. Hang end of tube upright, stand well back and light.)

How do I get rid of slight cooked cows?

[Fairley B. Strange]

... add gravy and roast potatoes.

Who 'borrowed' my fork? - and why?

[ktara]

I did, I had a sea serpent to eat.

I'm now the proud owner of a new uniform, I've joined the Pirate Queen's crew, and we have a simply lovely man who makes and fixes all of our fashionable uniforms...he's the nervous type though, how do we mollify him?

[Zeppelin Kapitan Fritz]

     Post deleted.

[Hez]

     Post deleted.

[Nathaniel Flood Harwick]

The previously deleted post has destabilized the fabric of reality. How can we avoid the devastating effects?

[J. Wilhelm]

Why simple!  Just purchase one of my patented Timeline Stabiliser watches!  No time traveller should be without one!  And as far as keeping a man happy, and me being one of that species, I declare the best way is to feed him!  You already have rare beef, gravy and potatoes in quantity aboard, as I understand it (no, he will not eat sea serpent).  Complete the meal with a side of kraken  a la vinagrette salad or fried kraken rings and serve with an Indian Pale Ale.  That will mollify him to satisfaction.

Now there are 2 problems:
1. That silverware set that you borrowed from Mr. Fairley B. Strange to eat the sea serpent sushi.  Sea serpent is highly corrosive and the silverware has seen better days.  Now you have no silverware to return.  What do you suggest - Mr. Strange will not eat with bare hands, that is not civilised!

2. As I wrote, sea serpent flesh is highly corrosive.  Unfortunately that means you now have a stomach ache.  What remedy do you propose?

[walking stick]

Mysterious Robbery! Massive amounts of Bicarbonate Of Soda taken from all local suppliers!

Champion Dairy Herd Milked Dry! Dairymen Baffled!
Our only clue an the acid scarred remains of a piece of  silver ware!

Mysterious Kidnapping At The Great Inventors Symposium all of the panellists on Incorruptible Metals!
No ransom note has been received!

Popular Poet Vanishes! Poetry Evening Ruined!

As you can see from the front page of our local paper the darling poet, who introduced me to my couturier, has gone missing. In fact many prominent gentlemen are unavailable.  The ladies of the poetry society are naturally distraught.  We have to have tea in the Russian style.  People wont smile as there isn't any bicarbonate of soda left for tooth powder.

How is a lady to cope with her social duties under these trying circumstances?







 

[Dr. Madd]

With a Pith helmet on your head, a blunderbuss in your hand, painted Mauve , of course with a cameo inlaid on the stock, of course- we aren't barbarians, after all, and finally with a song on your lips, madam.

How do Steampunks Cram all that Graham?

[walking stick]

Steampunks do everything in a civilised fashion, how else?

I have been press ganged by Airship Pirates who need us to take care of business whilst the majority of people on board including my former couturier are unwell. The ladies of the poetry society are now the Mauve Blunderbuss Unit. Matilda Irongut The Pirate Queen  expects us to deal with the situation promptly and we have very little practical help. All the Doctors on board are doctors of Science not medicine. Our dear poet is distraught, although the sky shanty he has written for us is charming, he is effectively no more use than his dear friend the couturier who is too ill to do more than compliment us on how well our weaponry matches our uniforms, which he apparently designed. How do we perform piracy in a graceful and ladylike manner?

[Madasasteamfish]

You ask your victims very politely to hand over their valuables and then shoot them if they refuse. But remember to be very flirty with the other crewmembers who have just seen their compatriot shot.

Now, how does one defend oneself against this latest scourge of the skies that I have (inadvertently) helped create?

[walking stick]

Our Treasurer, a very resourceful young woman, suggests a modest monthly payment.  We will receive a reliable income, you will receive the protection of our fleet. An entirely equable arrangement.

Now where do we find a reliable and secure bank?