Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc

[Flightless Phoenix]

Awwww *heart melts*

[frances]

I'm anxious.  Will my two Mothers Day cards get there in time.  I have not posted them yet.  Forgot tonight.  Oh help.

Where are those bunnies?  Anyone got a spare bunny please?

[walking stick]

Group by the animal lovers fireplace.  I woman, 3 Angora Rabbits , 1 very comfy chair and 1 low table with tea and sweet biscuits for her, water and fresh vegetables for them.

Over by the projects fireplace 1 woman drawing beautiful things, (hands free of pain here) and several people discussing which design to make first over a truly impressive high tea.

[Madasasteamfish]

Had an interview today for a 6 month paid internship which *I think* went well and should hear back tomorrow, but am now fraught with worry and concern about whether or not I should accept it if it's offered to me  .

This is thanks to the fact that the pay is almost certainly going to be rubbish and would probably leave me on a shoestring budget (if that), but it would offer me the chance to springboard myself into a proper job in my dream job sector and I'm not sure if I can afford to pass it up since opportunities like this are as rare as rocking horse muck.

Someone send any available puppies to my alcove.

[Arabella Periscope]

This is the only available decision-making puppy.  He usually says "Go for it."  In exchange for some smoked salmon sandwiches from the high tea table on the way to the niche.

[MWBailey]

I'll settle for any cute puppy. Even one of the werewolf puppies.

[walking stick]

The area by the niche now has now opened to the forest pavilion.  An extra large high tea for a wide variety of species has been set up there. The rather enthusiastic group who have a large order of steak tartar set out for them would like to play, for them the forest is always moonlit.

[Flightless Phoenix]

Had an interview today for a 6 month paid internship which *I think* went well and should hear back tomorrow, but am now fraught with worry and concern about whether or not I should accept it if it's offered to me  .

This is thanks to the fact that the pay is almost certainly going to be rubbish and would probably leave me on a shoestring budget (if that), but it would offer me the chance to springboard myself into a proper job in my dream job sector and I'm not sure if I can afford to pass it up since opportunities like this are as rare as rocking horse muck.

Someone send any available puppies to my alcove.

It's a tough call and realy depends on your circumstances but I think if there is any way you can afford it, then it would be a really great opportunity.

As it's only for 6 months so you may be able to cope with living in less than ideal accomodation for that length of time. Find out what typical rents on shared houses (ideally with other professionals not students, except maybe mature/post-grads) or bedsits are for the area, find out how much a bus/train/tram (depending on local transpost) pass costs. If you get offered the job you could tell them you are accepting it subject to be able to find affordable accomodation; your employers may know someone who is looking for a lodger or advise you on good local letting agencies, ditto any family or friends in the area. Do you have any family that could help you financially? Even if it was just buying you jumbo sized bags of pasta and rice and other essentials like tinned foods to keep you going, that might make the difference between 'if i take this job i'll starve' and 'if I take this job I'll have to eat really dull food for a while'. Check out agrilcalledjack.com for tasty low budget meal ideas.

Obviously, money isn't the only consideration, but if it's the only thing stopping you from being able to take the job, then there might be ways round it!

Just some things to mull over while you hug the puppies!

[Madasasteamfish]

Had an interview today for a 6 month paid internship which *I think* went well and should hear back tomorrow, but am now fraught with worry and concern about whether or not I should accept it if it's offered to me  .

This is thanks to the fact that the pay is almost certainly going to be rubbish and would probably leave me on a shoestring budget (if that), but it would offer me the chance to springboard myself into a proper job in my dream job sector and I'm not sure if I can afford to pass it up since opportunities like this are as rare as rocking horse muck.

Someone send any available puppies to my alcove.

It's a tough call and realy depends on your circumstances but I think if there is any way you can afford it, then it would be a really great opportunity.

As it's only for 6 months so you may be able to cope with living in less than ideal accomodation for that length of time. Find out what typical rents on shared houses (ideally with other professionals not students, except maybe mature/post-grads) or bedsits are for the area, find out how much a bus/train/tram (depending on local transpost) pass costs. If you get offered the job you could tell them you are accepting it subject to be able to find affordable accomodation; your employers may know someone who is looking for a lodger or advise you on good local letting agencies, ditto any family or friends in the area. Do you have any family that could help you financially? Even if it was just buying you jumbo sized bags of pasta and rice and other essentials like tinned foods to keep you going, that might make the difference between 'if i take this job i'll starve' and 'if I take this job I'll have to eat really dull food for a while'. Check out agrilcalledjack.com for tasty low budget meal ideas.

Obviously, money isn't the only consideration, but if it's the only thing stopping you from being able to take the job, then there might be ways round it!

Just some things to mull over while you hug the puppies!

Thanks for the advice, it would have really helped me in making my mind up, unfortunately, I heard back from them earlier and they've offered it to someone else ah well hugging the puppies will help me get over the disappointment.

[Flightless Phoenix]

Sorry to hear that. I know it sounds lame right now but attending the interview was in itself a good experience. If you haven't already done so, ask them for feedback so you know can highlight any areas to improve upon next time, it might turn out that the other candidate just lived nearby or had previously worked for the organisation in another role, or it could be that they had some experience which you don't yet have, but could look into getting before you apply to the next job.

We're all proud of you for going and doing well though,  - especially the puppies =]

[Madasasteamfish]

Sorry to hear that. I know it sounds lame right now but attending the interview was in itself a good experience. If you haven't already done so, ask them for feedback so you know can highlight any areas to improve upon next time, it might turn out that the other candidate just lived nearby or had previously worked for the organisation in another role, or it could be that they had some experience which you don't yet have, but could look into getting before you apply to the next job.

We're all proud of you for going and doing well though,  - especially the puppies =]

Thanks for that. They did say I showed a lot of promise and to keep volunteering (hopefully now places are starting to open up again for the summer I night be able to get some seasonal work, or it might help thin the metaphorical herd and offer me a better chance for something permanent or semi permanent).

[FirstMateLane]

wonder if I'm late.... been battling quite a bit of my own monsters and dragons lately, ones I thought were dead.
:: finds a comfy chair in a corner next to a bountiful bookshelf, quietly takes one and settles in, hoping not to disturb anyone::

[Madasasteamfish]

I feel that I should return to my alcove since over the past 24 hours I've been on somewhat of a negative emotional roller coaster, bouncing between utter and total despair, deep, seething anger and extreme bitterness.

This is probably in part thanks to the news I received on Friday regarding my interview, along with the realisation yesterday that since leaving university I have now spent more time unemployed and on benefits than I actually have in work. Now, the reason this depressing news has made me so angry is that despite my education and skills (since masters degrees aren't exactly handed out free with a box of cereals) the main reason why I have been unable to get a job seems to be thanks to the greed of many employers (being too concerned with their company's profits) who refuse to invest in any kind of training for new staff, and expect applicants to have a significant amount of experience. Now, obviously the only way someone such as myself can hope to gain any experience is by working for nothing, the problem is that having funded my own MA I of course can't afford to work for nothing, and the only way I can hope to support myself is by working full time. This situation is made worse by the lack of jobs almost everywhere in the country and the fact that by the time anything is actually done to create jobs I will be too old to qualify for any scheme to create them simply because I will no longer fit into t one of he demographics likely to be targeted.

The net result of these realisations is that I feel like I have wasted 4 years of my life and will be faced with the choice of remaining in benefits (potentially forever) or spending the rest of my working life in one or more dead end jobs I'm overqualified for.  The only potential route out of this is if I can find some kind of lasting work on the next 8-10 months, or accepting my wasted time and money and retraining in another field.

[frances]

Pardon me for breaking into your line of reasoning, but there is one possibility that you have not yet covered.  How about getting one of these dead-end jobs, but in a large organisation.  This will have quite a turnover of staff and they are likely to have an internal newsletter advertising other positions.  Once in the company you will have access to these and can apply for something else that crops up.

How about that for an option?

[Madasasteamfish]

Pardon me for breaking into your line of reasoning, but there is one possibility that you have not yet covered.  How about getting one of these dead-end jobs, but in a large organisation.  This will have quite a turnover of staff and they are likely to have an internal newsletter advertising other positions.  Once in the company you will have access to these and can apply for something else that crops up.

How about that for an option?

Unfortunately, this pretty much describes my previous job (temping in the Home Office) and it isn't *that* viable an option for me, since the only 'large companies' that would be likely to hire me are the Civil Service which at the moment; thanks to budget cuts, has seen almost every single govt. department put an almost complete freeze on external recruitment and are only really hiring to replace outgoing staff members (and it's likely to be at least another year before that changes).

The only other large companies that I stand a chance of getting a job with (since they seem to be the only companies advertising graduate level positions that I am actually qualified for) are recruitment and marketing agencies (where I'd be working as a headhunter or salesman, neither of which actually require any kind of university level education, the companies just look for graduates and take the fact that you have a degree as a sign you have some form of nouse, the circumstances of it are immaterial, so long as you've got one) neither of these jobs would be suited to me since I'd be reliant on commission to actually earn a living wage, and short of giving me experience in the sector (which wouldn't help me since I'd still need x amount of experience in the exact/similar job I'm applying for) and getting me off the dole, I'd be no better off doing either of them (and given the effect my last job had on me, I don't want to go back into a job solely for the sake of a paycheck).

In short I've got options, but it's basically comparable to being offered a choice between a turd sandwich and a cow pat on a plate. You can choose between them, but at the end of the day, you're still eating sh*t.

[Camellia Wingnut]

My Dear Mr. M.A.A.S. Fish,
So many of us have experienced your present mood, for the very same reasons, and have become philosophical. Here are a few elaborate comforting strategies:
Firstly, I studied to gratify my own curiosity, to enjoy the excitement of research and discovery, to exercise my mind, and to live the happy life of an academic. There are many examples of admirable people who suffered student poverty, such as Marie Curie living on tea and radishes at the Sorbonne; the Chinese consider a scholar the ideal person, poring over books at night by the light of captive fireflies when they can't afford a lamp. It is a noble tradition, and its own reward, and I am proud to have followed it.
Also, over the years I have been delighted to know several really distinguished scholars, who understood me in a way which is not to be expected from businessmen interviewing job candidates. Which would you rather have as a friend?
When I finally received my doctorate, and thought of myself as lost until I could find a place in the world, one of these remarkable people reminded me that I had become a scholar, not just a job-seeker, and that henceforth I would always belong in Academia no matter what I did to live. It helped.
With my very best wishes,
Gt.-Aunt Camellia
P.S. Perhaps puppies are not quite what is required when your mood is very prickly. How about coddling your inner hedgehog?

Then:

Result:

[Madasasteamfish]

Unfortunately, I will admit, I am perhaps the sort of person for whom academia would be an ideal career, but being unable to afford to continue studying to PhD level, though I am kicking myself for not applying for position as a research assistant at my Alma Mater before christmas (it was part time and I felt since I'd be spending the better part of my wages on commuting I'd be no better off than on the dole, though it would have given me a great deal of job satisfaction).

[Camellia Wingnut]

Dear Boy,
You probably should not regret that too much. I found that while my vocation was research, I was not cut out to be a teacher. My nature is too retiring and my voice almost inaudible. I had a murderer in one of my classes, with sixty prior drug arrests, and was in the position of having to fail him on a test! Another time, since private American colleges gain funding from sports, and need their team members to limp along academically, I found myself faced with teaching Russian History to a class of five enormous and surly basketball players. Phew!
Why not look into doing editing or proof-reading on-line?
C.W.
The Great-Aunt who lost decades off her life trying to teach, and is now a Hollow Shell.

[Arabella Periscope]

Yes, research assistantships and teaching assistantships are the way to go, as long as you can, but if you get bumped out of the way by those coming up behind you there are sometimes library or campus editorial jobs, proof-reading, or helping foreign-language scholars with their papers, etc.  Or researching scholarships or grants for your PhD. Or transcribing things onto computer.   The only drawback with this kind of work is that one is often paid out of someone else's research grant, under the table, and it does not go to credit the pension in the end.  You are not alone.  You are one of a vast company of tutors, temporary transcribers, interviewers, subs, etc. We are all in our niches.

Pass the mocha pot and the scones, and hand over the Borzoi puppy, please.

[Madasasteamfish]

Dear Boy,
You probably should not regret that too much. I found that while my vocation was research, I was not cut out to be a teacher. My nature is too retiring and my voice almost inaudible. I had a murderer in one of my classes, with sixty prior drug arrests, and was in the position of having to fail him on a test! Another time, since private American colleges gain funding from sports, and need their team members to limp along academically, I found myself faced with teaching Russian History to five enormous and surly basketball players. Phew!
Why not look into doing editing or proof-reading on-line?
C.W.
The Great-Aunt who lost decades off her life trying to teach, and is now a Hollow Shell.

Tbh my preferred fall back career (if I can't get into heritage) is publishing, particularly editorship/proofreading (with a possible view to possibly establishing the connections to become a full time novelist), since I do have some experience, however, a lot of vacancies in that line of work require a degree in English/Journalism (despite the dubious proofreading abilities of some English graduates).

[Camellia Wingnut]

Dear Boy,
Write your novel! You can publish it on-line with Amazon Kindle and Nook, and receive royalties every month. (If possible, a textbook is a good idea as it costs a lot more to buy than ordinary books). Also, the world is full of clever people whose English does not do their work justice, and who could contact you on the Aethernet. Or go to Korea or Japan, where you are solicited to teach English everywhere you go, and also revered according to Confucian tradition.
C.W.
But you cannot get scones there.

[rovingjack]

I guess I shall venture in here for a bit. I just need to do this ala Callahan's Crosstime Saloon.

Pay at the Bar for a bit of mead.
Walk over to the chalk line facing the fireplace.
Toast: "To my health"
Take my gulp
Pitch the glass into the fireplace.
take my change from the cigar box and slump into a plush chair in a well lit corner with my drawing tablet and pencils.

reasons. I've been fighting the good fight for almost a decade against crohn's disease. I've learned to handle it and manage it, but doing so changes your life. You tend to it and are tethered to it all your days and night, every choice you make comes with the qualifier "if I can work it out with my crohn's". Holiday meals have you showing up with a jar of your own food and likely eating out of synch with everyone else. Gatherings at restraunts have you always the one who doesn't order anything and has to leave early to go home and eat. Your daily plans always starts with "Get up, get clean, eat something, wait to see how sick I get and then plan my day from there." Long car rides have to have planned stops for an hour and a half to eat and potentially get sick every 2-4 hours, and you require a cooler to keep your specially prepared food safe from spoilage.

Even after all that, sometimes you just have to write off a day or three.

But like I said I manage. That I can handle.

But after months of fighting with a doctor for medical explainations to my employer and getting nowhere I thought I'd managed to resolve employment problems... until budget cuts came along and they needed to let somebody go and seeing as I had no confirmed excuse through medical proof...

Not that big a deal really, if that had been it I could cope well enough.

But the day I got let go was when I started to get symptoms of a cold or flu that hung around for weeks.

I had to go through an application process for a new doctor and the time frame on all of this was a bit of a bother, in the mean time I'd done a switch up with one of the twelve food I can eat. I noticed I was starting to feel better, until a few days later I switched back to the old foods again. Suspecting a reaction I switched away again. By this point the doctor arranged to see me and we eventually did some baseline blood tests and mostly looking healthy went in for a chest x-ray. The results showed hints of pnuemonia. So the doctor perscribed an antibiotic.

Well the antibiotic caused mild nerve damage, uncontrolled muscle clenching, ringing in my ears, panic attacks, depressive episodes and tendon pain... with the first dose. We stopped that and it was days before I was functional enough to get out again. I still get tendon pain and rining in my ears and minor muscle and nerve glitches.

Follow up x-ray says pneumonia is gone. Got some allergy testing and consult with GI specialist. Allergy test came back negative. So a week later I change my diet back to the same as has worked for years... and by the end of that night I was shivering and sweating, gulping air through my mouth as my nose was closed, my face and chest and hands felt like a bad sunburn and it just seemed to get worse as the night progressed. I got four hours sleep with the tingling burning and sense of nervous energy built up.

Another trip to the doctors, who said that since I didn't have hives and my lungs sound clear that I was likely safe to just take antihistamine and avoid the food.

So Antihistamine taken my body just crashed for 14 hours. I'm still dealing with lingering symptoms of flushed and itchy and I'm worried I might be allergic to all the foods, though I know I had no issues with the rest before I switched back.

And now I'm due back for a scoping and given the way things are going I half expect to be given a month to live, but that is my inner pessemist talking. He's also asking questions about what will I do if another allergy develops like this one and the one I seem to develop two years ago. What if every year or two I lose another food I can keep down? What if this last one opened the floodgates and I just start losing then over the coming weeks? What if they do find cancer? What if the situation requires drug treatment and all the horrible side effect those drugs cause (those are pretty much a given, these drugs mess people up, but they can shut down the digestive problems so they are seen as worth the compromise)?

So here I am, jobless, poor, barely able to eat enough to survive nutritionally, with food allergies developing unexpectedly, bad reactions to medecines, and an upcoming medical proceedure to look for death sentences, or at least problems. I'm scared, I'm alone, and I'm just plain tired.

I'm tired of the fight to hold it together. I'm tired of fighting for every inch of ground I make in my life. I'm tired of the struggle...
and all I see when I look forward is more struggle heaped upon me with time, greater and greater physical pain, further disability. I'm afraid that my future is me, wired and tubed up in a bed or motorized chair in pain and drugged being tended by my eldering mother for several years as she and my family watch me die. And the real bitch of it is I will fight that whole way to hold on because I am that stubborn, but I'll pay for that with years of suffering, and whatever little part of my mind lingers through it all will know that I used to be able to tinker and design amazing things and that I had such awesome plans.

I think I need to see a councilor.

[Camellia Wingnut]

My Dear Fellow,
Our thoughts are with you. Please don't be too pessimistic; remission is a real hope, and designs and dreams are free for all. . . .
Affectionately,
C.W.

[CorneliaCarton]

Some good news for me. I passed my ATOS medical. And they reimbursed me from the date I started claiming ESA. When I saw how much they gave me I almost cried with happiness.

[frances]

Dear rovingjack,

You seem like a great, stubborn, person.  It sounds to me as though you are in a bit of a trough at the moment.  Hang on until you get your test results.  Plan each day as it comes and do not look forward to the (unknown) future.  Stay here awhile until you can see straight again.

Would you like a small furry thing to cuddle - bunny, doggie or something else small and sympathetic??