Dragon Tamers - A room for those of us with anxiety / depression / etc

[rovingjack]

trying out a new routine for better mental and physical health.
get up a bit earlier than I usually do, and immediately go for a 20 min walk in the sun.
get back and start hourly stretching and flexibility training routine (just a short 2-5 minute series of stretches)
load up some udemy/domestika/other online class, usually 2-3 hours.
cold shower (not a huge fan)
learning some memory skills, this week is a custom Peg system.
some quick maths tricks each day. todays was multiply and divide by 4 (and rapidly by doubling and redoubling (and again).
allow myself some social media time to not feel disconnected and isolated.
financial management (bills needing paid, canceling unnecesary recurring costs, accounting), later inclusions will be appointments and errands.
daily planning session.
more lighthearted side hustle play, ei try selling used books online, try to sell my dirty socks to people into that sort of thing. not expecting to actually make anything but should at least not cost me anything either.
script some youtube videos,
some gap space for wiggle room around the middle of my day for between 4-8 hours.
an hour or so of artsy stuff
shoot some youtube content
then stop electronics use after dinner,
warm shower,
reading, journaling
meditation
and the try some sleep hacks to get better sleep.

I'm only a couple days into it, so no idea how it'll do over time. I've already moved some things around to make things work better. might do the cold shower after the walk, I was really drowsey for online class.

My classes the last two days on ways to turn creative work into income. The first one was a great guide to making a business plan (which I hope to draft a few of in order to take to the SBA and get some advice on).

I'm not sure my snafu with the benefits is actually resolved and getting info to be able to manage my accounts online is being held up by waiting for the mailed passcodes. Even then my anxiety won't trust things for a while.

And I still have to wait 22 days for my appointment with the neurologist for follow up on why I have hand tremors, clumbsiness as I walk, face spasms when I smile. and watery eyes. It could be like my half sister has recently been diagnosed with thyroid issues, it could be Chronic fatigue Syndrome, long covid from either of the infections I got. Or even just PTSD from my health issues, or the homelessness and slum that I'm trapped in for now (cogs know these people actively were making it worse when they found out about the benefits Snafu). But I can't expect any real answers this month if even this year.

It seems like an invitation to problems to even be so hopeful as to plan things ahead and take classes with ideas of starting a creative based business. Because everything tells me I'm about to get hit again by some new crisis for being so bold as to imagine I have a future. But ... well ... I gotten do something with myself to ward off the madness.

[rovingjack]

1.5 trazodone, 1 benedryl black out dark room, soothing music, i still couldn't fall asleep for over 5 hours of trying. this prevented me from making a trip that was important to me, and set my mental health recovery back by a huge step.

[von Corax]

If you live in Canada, and your dragon starts to get the better of you, we now have a single national suicide prevention hotline. The number is 988, and it's available 24/7 via voice or text.

[rovingjack]

hope everyone is weathering the season well.

[Sorontar]

In Australia, my state is getting 2 months worth of rain in 2-3 days - in summer. Fine for me, as I am halfway up a hill, but will be trouble for many.

Sorontar

[Ceir]

A bit of existential dread at one particular state of the world, yes. I'm fairly certain I'm paraphrasing someone's blog post, but d_mned if I can find the source right now.

It's a nice day outside.
I'm sitting here with the window open,
listening to the hum of lawnmowers and trimmers in the neighborhood.
I should get mine out soon too, things are starting to looks scraggly around the edges.
Need to start watering again as well, stuff is just so dried out.
It's the end of January.
It's a nice day outside.

[rovingjack]

A bit of existential dread at one particular state of the world, yes. I'm fairly certain I'm paraphrasing someone's blog post, but d_mned if I can find the source right now.

It's a nice day outside.
I'm sitting here with the window open,
listening to the hum of lawnmowers and trimmers in the neighborhood.
I should get mine out soon too, things are starting to looks scraggly around the edges.
Need to start watering again as well, stuff is just so dried out.
It's the end of January.
It's a nice day outside.

I'm trying to tell myself that it's not my world to save and the psychotic apes that fancy themselves at the helm of it all shouldn't really have been expected better of than we got. Maybe this is what we were always fated to be, some hints of wonder and deep profundity... but otherwise a fart of existence in space and time.

I'm stressed by circumstances out of my control right now, but trying to adventure some and create. I'm posting a daily short about past February Alphabet art&craft challenge, while working out what I'm going to do for this years version of them. I've submitted (waiting for approval) my zine quest project. $3 digital only, two Curio Realms of Woe. I might get a print run of some holiday cards made up for bundles to sell, and make a bunch more for different holidays. and I'm debating getting some photography made into puzzles.

meanwhile I've got and MRI scheduled for this week, my landlord is making the rooms here unlivable for the start of the week and no assurances of how long before I can use my bedroom, or computer/internet again. and voc rehab have pretty much just stopped pretending they are going to help me with things.

But I'm going to take a free consult with a tax advisor for creatives, and a SBA meeting about running a tabletop game design micro business. While I reach out to find as much out as I can about tutoring for part time income, and then see about an extreme part time stocking job.

I'll start doing youtube more regularly on most of my channels by next month. and at the end of this month the landlord is supposed leave for a week and half, so I might make a furnace in the back yard to melt aluminum, smith some steel, make lime from egg shells, maybe do some clay sintering and try melting some scrap glass and turn some scraps of wood and cardboard into charcoal to use in art.

[SeVeNeVeS]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-WUej0sSpU

[SeVeNeVeS]

I wish to publicly appologise for my recent behaviour.

After a year of stress and problems I admit I momentarily lost the plot a little (ok... a lot) and committed crimes against the forum which I now regret.

If you can forgive me I shall be back to posting as normal and annoy the hell out of you all again.

[Cora Courcelle]

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for as far as I'm concerned, I just hope you're in a better place soon.

[Justin Time]

We all have melt-downs from time-to-time.  It seems to be happening more frequently and more easily for many of us these days.

As long as you get through it, whether that involves leaving this forum behind or not (hopefully not), making it through to a better place is all that matters in the end.

JIT

[SeVeNeVeS]

Hmmmm..... I should have seen it coming but being a person who considered himself as bulletproof, yeah, I can handle anything life throws at me.........

Turns out anyone, constantly swimming against the overwhelming incoming tide of crap slowly building up to an ever increasing dam, the wall,  over decades of time can resukt a chink in that armour, the chink slowly but surely develops into a crack, that crack then opens into a crevasse them the maelstrom of irratic, irrational decisions and thoughts suddenly and unexpectedly flood in which could result in consequences that you may later regret.

A minor wobble..... The armour has been repaired.... onward and upward.

[rovingjack]

well i'm in thought spirals again. a new doc telling me he suspects early onset Parkinson's has triggered my PTSD and need to escape fate/life.

[rovingjack]

i'm not sure if i'm being smart to wait for second opinions (and feeling like the doc who saw me for the first time and spent the bulk of the only 20 mins he's ever seen me, talking about other things and not looking at my info, misunderstanding what I was saying and then in after visit notes describing different symptoms from what I have) or if I'm desperately seeking excuses to avoid a diagnosis i'm scared of.

I mean he called me by somebody elses name, stated he based it on my expression being flat and not swinging my arms enough while walking 5 steps. told me to ask questions to doctor Google. dismissed the migraine with the same onset time as not related (despite my knowing one, possibly two, other person(s) with new onset ocular migraines within the last 2 years that also have twitching ring and pinky finger of the left hand). and in his notes afterwards said the symptoms had gotten worse, when what I said was it started with thinking I was just cold in winter to two fingers shaking when actively using them when my body was stress responding to either PTSD, migraines, or rough vaccination reactions (3 of which I had in the first 4 months of the year). but that it had improved enough in the last 6 months that it was mostly resolved. And the notes called them resting tremor, when I can sit still like a statue without a single shake or twitch, and can usually do pretty much anything without issue, just sometimes folding things or typing that involves the last 2 fingers of the left hand gets jittery while doing it but stops when I'm still. (and some weakness and uncoordinated left wrist, mostly noticable trying drum stick drills I've not done in 30 years, and whisking eggs).
but I have to wait til the end of the month for a brain scan, that they said would be set up within the week, but they never ordered and I spent two weeks of angry phone calls to get set up.

and now I'm shakier than I was before, having the anxiety that the scan might come back with confirmation. (I asked if neurodivergence, anxiety, depression or PTSD can read differently since they effect dopamine and the scan looks at dopamine centers of the brain, I had to clarify that since this requires an expert to interpret the scan and that there are conditions that effect the ways some brains function in those areas I wanted to know the incidence of false positives... to which he said "zero". That's a red flag for me).

sigh, I gotta sit with this for 3 more weeks.

meanwhile, my blood tests come back. fasting Blood sugar is back below 100, despite my eating plenty of sweets and carbs in the last few months, not that anyone but me was bothered by two test 6 months apart reading above 100. My cholesterol came back with HDL, Ldl, and Tri glyc all within ref ranges. but my total Chol is a few points over reference range  but not even close to high range.
My MCV is high meaning macro type anemia (fewer but larger red blood cells). the two things together could be signs of liver, thyroid, or mast cell issues, but my other liver function test look good in the ref ranges, same with t4 and tsh for thyroid. and I don't eat a lot of fatty food or high cholesterol food,mostly lean meat and veg. in fact my caloric intake is usually under 1500 per day with a few times a month accidentally under 1000. so no idea why I put on some weight and have cholesterol high... but the docs are telling me the standard eat less fat and fried food.

I wanna just get the test back with a no Parkinson's result and then just stop dealing with doctors for a while.

[Olivia32]

Anyone here tried CBD for their mental health? Thinking of trying it, even found this clinic here in the UK that specializes in this.
Any tips or life stories with it?

[Madasasteamfish]

Had a surprisingly big win today...

Spoilered for implied SH...

Spoiler: ShowHide

I've just shaved (which isn't in and of itself the win) using my antique Rolls Razor for the first time in over 5 years.

Now whilst it seems pretty insignificant, I stopped using it because my mental health was in the toilet to such an extent I just didn't feel comfortable allowing myself easy access to a razor with an exposed blade. The fact that now I can, and more importantly am comfortable enough with the idea of using it for my regular ablutions, feels like a really big milestone in terms of managing my mental health and appreciating how much of a toll the horrible situation I was in at the time was actually taking on me.

[Ceir]

Had a surprisingly big win today...

Spoilered for implied SH...

Spoiler: ShowHide

I've just shaved (which isn't in and of itself the win) using my antique Rolls Razor for the first time in over 5 years.

Now whilst it seems pretty insignificant, I stopped using it because my mental health was in the toilet to such an extent I just didn't feel comfortable allowing myself easy access to a razor with an exposed blade. The fact that now I can, and more importantly am comfortable enough with the idea of using it for my regular ablutions, feels like a really big milestone in terms of managing my mental health and appreciating how much of a toll the horrible situation I was in at the time was actually taking on me.

I know this is a solid Very Late, but congratulations.

Me, well, current US events, and that's all I'm able to say in compliance with board rules.

[Madasasteamfish]

Thank you!

My sympathies to you and everyone else who are now likely to suffer and or forced to flee their homes.

[Ceir]

Sometimes I wish I was too stupid to care. But I'm not, I care, I understand, and I'm horrified.