The 2012 Steampunk Olympics - what events?

[greensteam]

In the thread about Tea Duelling http://brassgoggles.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,32759.0.html Mr Peter Harrison has made a suggestion that I feel warrants its own thread:

What Events Would We Have in The 2012 Steampunk Olympics?

Warning note to sports enthusiasts: I loathe conventional sports and games of every kind especially those inflicted at school etc. If you are easily offended by criticism of cricket or scorn poured on soccer, move away briskly now and cover your eyes with your tophat.

The residents of the UK, in particular the denizens of the London stews, are about to submerged in sporting overkill in every aspect of life, and especially the atmospheric broadcasted entertainments. In Scotland there is even a follow-on punishment with the Commonwealth games arriving in 2014.

So the fightback starts here and now. If you would be up for arranging some steampunk sports in your neck of the woods, what would they include? I will start the list off with some obvious possibilities:

1. Tea Duelling (sudden death and marathon versions)
2. Bartitsu
3. Steam triathlon: raygun shooting, tea duelling and crinoline relay.
4.
5. 

[The Corsair]

I'd add The Hunt and a penny farthing race

Possibly a chap-hop rap battle

[Narsil]

-Sailing : The duration of this event is up to 3 years. Medals are awarded on the basis of the amount of territory claimed on behalf of their native country.

-Electric fencing : weapons are connected to a power supply of the contestants choice.

-Pipe smoking

[Mr Peter Harrow, Esq]

Boater water polo is a well established sport (at least at the steampunk new year) but perhaps it could also work as a land based solo event, the "skimmer" a discus equivalent.
I have also previously suggested jet pack racing on other threads

[LadyAsprin]

-Electric fencing : weapons are connected to a power supply of the contestants choice.

Surely Steam (non electric) fencing would be more suitable?

[Mrs. Whatsit]

Timed corset tying, extra points for artistry

Hat pin darts

Book balance races - You must balance a number of Victorian tomes on your head and race around the parlor.

[walkthebassline]

Chess? Or perhaps cards?

Fencing of some variety sounds good.

I'm also trying to think of some means of playing Quidditch. Steampowered jetpacks perhaps?

[Rockula]

-Pipe smoking

That event already forms part of the events at the annual 'Chap Olympiad' (London;July) and should it be considered for any Steampunk Olympics we could end up with some of the confusion they seem to have with the various boxing / wrestling bodies and end up with conflicting World Champions.

Or perhaps some sort of 'Smoke Off' could be arranged to determine the true master?

[Fairley B. Strange]

As it's in London-town, why not theme a few events with local colour?

The Whitechapel Biathlon - running up and down all those gas-lit alleyways, leather aprons with the contestant's numbers on... a bit of fencing with a No.10 scalpel...

[Capt. Dirigible]

some sort of 'Smoke Off'

Not to be confused with a 'smoke cough'

As it's in London-town, why not theme a few events with local colour?

As it's in East London it's going to be hard enough for the competitors to  tell which of the gun shots is the starter's pistol anyway! Baddum-TISH!

We could have the 100 metre internal chimney climb for under 16s..

running up and down all those gas-lit alleyways, leather aprons with the contestant's numbers on

Oh..you mean the 'Hop, Skip and Stab'

How about showjumping and Dressage on one of these?

Monkey Butler Wrestling

[Mr Peter Harrow, Esq]

Not Monkey Butler Wrestling, but Monkey Butlers competing at their own events, silver cleaning, tea making, ironing a newspaper, catchingthe peanut, properly laying out the masters clothes to be the ultimate gentlemans hominid.

[Capt. Dirigible]

Not Monkey Butler Wrestling, but Monkey Butlers competing at their own events, silver cleaning, tea making, ironing a newspaper, catchingthe peanut, properly laying out the masters clothes to be the ultimate gentlemans hominid.

Or 'Putting the Sh!t'..how far a Monkey Butler can fling it's own faeces!

[The Corsair]

A few more ideas:

- 'The Whore Run' (first to find the cheapest whore on Whitechapel wins)
- 'The Todd' barber-off (fastest shave wins)
- 'Inverse Todd' beard-off (biggest beard in the given time wins)
- An Arms Race
- Steam Knight Duelling
- Zeppelin Aerial Obstacle Course (fastest time wins)
- Train-Track Building (longest rail line wins, some points given for extras like tunnels and bridges)
- Hat-Off http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/102010/hat_off.jpg
- Gentleman Competition (most gentlemanly wins)
- The Apocalypse (last-man-standing post-apocalyptic event)
- RetCon-Off (most history altered wins)

[Capt. Dirigible]

Gentleman Competition (most gentlemanly wins)

Well that's a non-event for a start! "On your mark..Get set...GO!"

"After you"
"No, after you"
"No, I insist, after you, Sir"
"No, no..please, after you.."
"I couldn't possibly. After you.."

ad infinitum!

[Esme Moore]

Croquet (conventional or SuperHoop* rules; I'm game, if we can find a suitable pitch for the latter)
Scone-wrangling
Reversi
Brolly-fencing
Brolly snooker
Brolly golf
Moustache-fencing
Bustle-boxing
Tea ceremony (I have English Rules in mind, although I'm sure we could accomodate Japanese rules too, should any prefer to use those)
Doily-throwing
Artful fainting
Hat tower construction (tallest hat tower wins)



*a la Wednesday Next tales by Jasper Fforde

[greensteam]

These are fantastic. However, since we learn that the entirety of the greater London metropolis is to go into security lockdown, I suspect that many of these wonderful suggestions will have to take place in the provinces.

Finales could perhaps be fringe  or off-fringe events at the Asylum if sufficient interest?

[Capt. Dirigible]

Doily-throwing

To be thrown Discus style, I hope.

There could also be the Cucumber Sandwich Relay in which a plate of said comestibles are carried with haste around a track and passed onto another team member without dropping any..or have to be passed from one plate to another at the hand over point using tongs, one sandwich at a time..before continuing.

[Mlle Aconite]

Concours d'elegance - side saddle - Steampunk style.


Hell, I'd already be doing this one if I could only find someone to teach me side saddle.

[LadyAsprin]

Concours d'elegance - side saddle - Steampunk style.


Hell, I'd already be doing this one if I could only find someone to teach me side saddle.

I really want to try side-saddle, just so I can say I have tried it.

[Angus A Fitziron]

440 yard promenade

sack race

three legged race (singles and pairs events - the former event may be competed for by Igors)

the idea of throwing anything larger or heavier than indoor darts is anathema to steampunks so we will quickly pass over those sports, although target shooting with skimmed bowler hats may be acceptable.

triple jump, better known as the hop, skip and jump - sufficiently silly to be included

[Mercury Wells]

Blindfold Gin tasting.
Cog throwing (discus style).
Piston throwing (Caber style or Scotish hammer style).
The perfect put downs in reply to Chav comments.
Cravat tying.
Zombie survival.
Chav impersonation (dress style, speech & mannerisms).

[Angus A Fitziron]

I don't know much about it yet but The Riding Lights are touring a play called Monsieur de Coubertin's Magnificent Opymlic© Feat! which is described as "the glorious, remarkable and often hilarious story of the rebirth of the Opymlic© Games in Athens in 1896..." It seems so SP, I have to assemble a proper theatre attending outfit! I understand the Opymlic© is just one of the things they've had to invent to avoid litigation!

[Mercury Wells]

Penny Farthing Drag Racing (not sure if this would involve cross dressing though).
Rocket pack display team (with coloured smoke).
Air-Kraken sky-surfing (also with coloured smoke).

[Angus A Fitziron]

gin rummy (1842 rules where 'gin' is a forfeit after each round)
steam chariot racing
penny farthing pursuit race
retro-futuristic pentathlon - ray-gun shooting, tesla fencing, 220 yard professional endurance swim (Dawley rules), mechanical horse show jumping and 2 mile cross country steam hover board.
igor 4 x 440 yard relay (at least one body part must complete the whole mile of the entire event).
leviathan eliminator

[Mercury Wells]

gin rummy (1842 rules where 'gin' is a forfeit after each round)
penny farthing pursuit race

Or even a "Rum do" (what ever the game is about it's still very strange)

Penny Farthing daredevil stunts (jumping over Omnibuses et cetera*)/speedway/dressage/P.F.M.X. with optional freestyle.  

Mornington Crescent (possible mode of transport:- Dirigibles)

Water skiing behind a steam ship.

Reading a popular classic in the style of a different author (judge's choice)

(My abject apologies for these:- Music Hall X-factor/Celebrity Come Ballroom Dancing)

*Including "The Watford Gap".