A game of steampunk problem solving...

[H.Tuto]

The rules are simple: One poster posts a problem, the next poster then posts a solution though the eccentric lens of a steampunk inventor. And then posits a new dilemma, the next poster not only tries to solve the new problem and add their own, but also rates the previous answer on a scale of one to ten based on effectiveness, eccentricity and inventiveness The game continues in this fashion!

Try to avoid overly ridiculous made to purpose machines, bread buttering machines and the like should be marked down. Be creative!

I will get the ball running:

The Royal Mail Service is interested in implementing a system of interconnected babbage engines in post offices nationwide for high speed messaging. But how to do the network connections?

[Shadow Of The Tower]

A series of tubes of course.

Series of Tubes

[MechanicalMouse]

I finally get my recipe for a "Universal Solvent" correct, how will I keep it contained?

[Dr cornelius quack]

Well, once you've dissolved The Universe, it will naturally stay together under the force of Gravity.
Or, maybe it will just keep on expanding for ever.

Either way, you probably won't need to worry by then.



Vacuum flasks keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

But, how do they know?

[akumabito]

Vacuum flasks keep hot things hot and cold things cold.

But, how do they know?

Mercury-based temperature sensors compare outside temperatures to inside temperatures and based on that data decide whether they need a hot or cold vaccuum.


Everybody knows that a civilized cat or dog needs to wear either a top hat or bowler. But how do you get your pet velociraptor to wear one?

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

Chloroform the velociraptor then screw either a top hat or a bowler to its skull.

How would you escape the air kraken when it has your airship in its tentacles?

[Dr cornelius quack]

Merciless tickling.

Aviators are strongly advised to prepare for this eventuality by always having a handy feather on a stick.



My toast has just fallen 'butter side down'.

Again!!!

[H.Tuto]

Reverse the polarity! And the gravity with it! your toast will now land butter side up!

Damnation! Our airship is loosing altitude, pierced by the arrows of enraged tribesmen, soon they will tear their idol from our cold dead hands! However will we outrun them?

[Prof Samuel.H.F.Foreman]

make a passing air kraken angry so it grabs your airship and try's to take you back to its lair, fix the holes by sowing your trousers over them re fill with spare gas, use emergency tickle stick to escape said kraken and fly away. easy!



But how to cook previously mentioned kraken so that it is no longer poisonous and tasty?  

[George Salt]

Soak overnight in unicorn milk to draw out the poison, then pot roast slowly.

Where are my slippers?

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

On my feet

How would you transport your daughter across the post-apocalyptic wasteland (relatively) safely and quickly?

[H.Tuto]

Simply! My Aethiric Agitator could be recalibrated into a poor man's teleporter! There's only a minor (27.1%) chance of disintegrations! Of course there is a minor chance of one's mind being absorbed into the Akashic Records in the process... but then her body would certainly be excess to requirements.

How best to reconstitute the lost planet Tiamat out of the Asteroid belt?

[walking stick]

Using magnetic resonance and vacuum to create a controlled gravitic implosion  which will safely reconstitute the planet.  Then get a really good landscape gardener to sort out the continents for you.

I am unable to get clear photographs of ectoplasmic forms what do you suggest.

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

Call the Ghostbusters...I mean the League of S.T.E.A.M. of course

Said ectoplasm has covered and stained my waistcoat. How would you suggest I get the stain out?

[Prof Samuel.H.F.Foreman]

kill some vanish powerfoam just before it cleans your waistcoat (so it has some un-finished business) then wash it with the ghost of the product, its a witch beast buy in the underworld. (sorry for the bad pun('s))




What sort of head wear should I don to impress the ladies?

[akumabito]

A moose's. Oh, wait. I thought you meant what head to wear to impress... Hmm, well, the advice still stand. Wear a moose head regardless.

Now where do you get the water to add to your pouch of dehydrated H2O?

[ktara]

Use the steam from your homemade steampowered still that's creating your homemade gin

How do I get my submersible to the ocean from my property on top of a mountain?

[SpeedyFrenchy]

An airship! Whatever the question, the answer is always an airship.

Now, I am stranded on a desert island, and despite my previous sentence, I cannot build an airship. How do I escape?

[Captain Marcus Stahlsturm]

Ktara's submersible!

I am setting off on an adventure but only have time to grab three things. What should I take with me?

[Dr cornelius quack]

Earl Grey, Assam and Lapsang Souchong.


Where did I leave my trousers?

[ktara]

No idea, but they're not on my submersible!  Have you checked your refrigeration cabinet?

H.Tuto's daughter has mysteriously materialised on board my submersible, and 27.1% of her left side has disintegrated.  What kind of tea should I serve her?

[walking stick]

Brandy for medicinal purposes, it's known as a restorative.  Then offer hot sweet tea. I would suggest the Lapsang Souchong and perhaps some suitable biscuits.

Nixies have infested the Differential Engine, what does one do?

[Inflatable Friend]

Cleanse it with fire. Afterwards, lubricate liberally.

The mistress is popping over for supper and I've forgotten to buy a new frying pan, how should I cook these eggs to impress?

[Mercury Wells]

On the ceremonial spade/shovel.

(with regards to the toast...butter the "wrong side")

Curtains or blinds for the windows of my submersible?

[Fat Spider]

Curtains if they are to fitted on the inside, unless you like them soggy, metal blinds for the outside, the latter would have to be made of copper to stop them rusting.

After reading posts above this one I came upon the idea of attaching my toast to the cat, so now it always lands with the buttered side up, but how do I stop the cat from licking the butter.