GAAAAAHHHHHH Mk.VI: The Return of the Son of the 50ft GAAAH that struck back!

[J. Wilhelm]

My mother passed away this late Sunday.  I'm having a hard time even bringing her remains (cremated) back to Austin.  I can't afford anything. I may have to turn the body over to the San Diego Count Coroner's office.

[SeVeNeVeS]

My mother passed away this late Sunday.  I'm having a hard time even bringing her remains (cremated) back to Austin.  I can't afford anything. I may have to turn the body over to the San Diego Count Coroner's office.

Condolences my friend, my thoughts are with you.

[von Corax]

I'm very sorry for your loss, JW.

[Cora Courcelle]

My deepest condolences, my thoughts are with you.

[J. Wilhelm]

My mother passed away this late Sunday.  I'm having a hard time even bringing her remains (cremated) back to Austin.  I can't afford anything. I may have to turn the body over to the San Diego Count Coroner's office.

Condolences my friend, my thoughts are with you.

I'm very sorry for your loss, JW.

My deepest condolences, my thoughts are with you.

Thank you guys.  It is veritable storm for me, with ramifications I would have never expected.

A renal infection caused all of my mother's organs to slowly shut down 2 months ago.  She was taken to hospital on Friday 15 February, but that weekend, she nearly passed away and suffered some brain damage that prevented her to swallow and talk, before the rest of the organs responded to medicine and her condition began to improve to the point of consciousness over a couple of weeks. She was left without control of her epiglottis and related muscles, and an extremely weak heart (she already had congestive heart failure).

But worse, apparently there were a couple of her acquaintances who visited her at hospital, and whom I've never met ("friends" supposedly), who believed that due to my mother's past religious beliefs she might not have wanted to be fed from a tube or be treated by Western Medicine. Now mind you the Vedic faith these women were talking about was a practice that my mother held decades go, between 1970 and I'd say the tear 2000, roughly.  Unfortunately they communicated such thoughts to the team of doctors treating my mother. What they didn't communicate was that my mother changed faith to Wicca in the decades thereafter from the mid-2000s through say 2020 and later after getting ill, she came back to Christianity.

The effect of her "friends'" opinion on her treatment was extremely negative. From the very first weekend I began holding discussions with medical doctors who first suggested that my mother would perhaps not want to live, and that I should consider disconnecting the temporary feeding tube, on accounts of her beliefs.  That made me explode, because while my mother's organs slowly recuperated, several doctors prompted by that initial meddling presented the idea over and over in the following weeks, convinced that she would not want to be tethered to the feeding tube.

The first "Dr. Death" used the religious excuse, that is, "she believed in Easter Medicine and rejected Western Medicine."  When my mother kept improving, in the 2nd and 3rd weeks, another doctor (Dr. Death #2) came up with the idea that she would be too uncomfortable with not being able to taste water or solid food (she was begging for water throughout those weeks because she could not swallow anything without choking). When I asked the doctors the effect of removing the temporary feeding tube, "Dr. Death #1" explained she would choke every time she attempted to swallow anything, and that she would eventually die emaciated and dehydrated within one week, possibly longer.

At that point I "put my foot down" and I demanded that they keep the feeding tube. Then in the following weeks "Dr Death #2" retorted that 3 weeks had already passed and that they needed to remove the temporary feeding tube and they'd need to install a permanent tube in her abdomen. "She might not want to live that way" he said.  At that point I was resolved to get her out of the hospital at any cost. In the meantime she continued recovery, learning how to speak a few words again. So a 3rd "Dr. Death" came and after telling me that he had only seen her for 2 days (the doctors were rotating) he was of the opinion that she'd never recover and that I should reconsider not installing the permanent feeding tube.

Well, it just happened that she recuperated to the point I was able to have a conversation with her. Her organs had recovered by then, but her heart remained very week (I think you all know how this ends).  She was conscious enough to understand that I'd send her to a rehabilitation center. She was able to reply, thanking me and telling me that she loved me. Those were the last words I heard from her. Nearly a month had passed.

Then as a surprise, one day before she'd have the procedure to install the permanent feeding tube, Dr. Death #3 warned me that if they deemed her able to make her own decisions and she opined she didn't want to go on living, that they would ignore my instructions and not install the permanent feeding tube!! WTF!?!

What got my mother out of the hospital was that I got hold of the nurse responsible for installing the permanent feeding tube, and I begged her to get my mother out of the hospital ASAP, before whichever Dr. Death managed to obtain a death-wish confession out of my mother! Apparently, I pulled the nurse's heart strings, and apparently nurses have a sort of "veto" power because they are the ones performing the procedure and they can trigger a discussion among the team about the ability of a patient to make their own life and death decisions.  After triggering the meeting, the team of doctors concluded my mother didn't have the capacity to make her own life and death decision.  It was final. In the space of ONE DAY she was out of the hospital at the rehabilitation center to receive speech therapy.  My mother's heart slowed down, and she passed away in her sleep on the second out of three weeks she was supposed to be there, last Sunday. I am grateful I was at least able to give her a calmer death.

Throughout the whole pilgrimage process, my mother's two "friends" kept trying to contact me (stalking is the right word). First to have a say on my mom's treatment. Then to have a say on her therapy, and now to organize a memorial for her.  There only one problem: They are the ones who gave me all this grief! And second, I can't afford to do ANYTHING in San Diego. Any kind of funerary procedure will cost many tens of thousands of dollars (yes you read right, TENS of thousands of dollars, which I don't have. The only thing I can *try* to afford is to have her body cremated and shipped to me for $2300. While I appreciate the friend's efforts, I don't want to talk to them, and all I want is my mother back in Texas. Now the friends want to know wjat do do with my mother's meager possessions - but the estate belongs to the State of California now, to cover medical and hospital , as well as insurance cost deductibles. Without a Will and Power of Attorney, or as defined by the State of California, a "Conservatorship," none of that is mine. And if I collect those items then State and Insurance collectors will come to me instead. I can barely feed myself as it is.

So I'm racing against time - and her "friends" to assemble the money I need to pull my mother out of California.  Luckily there a program at my place of employment whereby employees assemble a pool of money from donations to help associates in need. I have the manager of the store looking into it right now - he offered.

So that's my story so far.  Today, I set up an alternative postal box so that when I issue the Death Certificate on Monday, I don't get hordes of weirdos and collectors knocking on my door (Death Certificates are public information).

This has to be one of the worst GAAH's you guys will read for some time.

[LukeHogbin]

Darn, that is some serious bovine excrement... I am sorry for your having to deal with it.

[Cora Courcelle]

Email the 'friends' that they will have to speak to whichever department is responsible for your Mothers estate as it is not in your control, (actually I'm sure you've already done this); tell them you will not respond to any further communications from them. 
Then you also email the relevant state department to let them know that these people are not acting on your behalf or with your authority. Email will give you a 'paper trail' should it be necessary.
I am so sorry you are having to go through all this, hope your funding comes through.
Thinking of you, Cora

[LukeHogbin]

Had a seizure on the night between Thursday and Friday and I'm still trying to recover from it. Blah.

[Sir Henry]

Had a seizure on the night between Thursday and Friday and I'm still trying to recover from it. Blah.

I hope you're recovering well.
But don't let it happen again, it's just not on.